People are toxic to be around when they believe everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.
That's the truth. Let it sink in.
What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world.
Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
The underlying key is to...
Watch Your Response
When something stressful happens in a social situation, what is your response? Some people jump right into action – but oftentimes immediate action can be harmful. Others get angry, or sad. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves… and victimized… and left thinking: "Why can’t other people behave better?"
Responses like these are not healthy or helpful. In fact, whenever your response lacks a mindful level of acceptance you’re likely taking things too personally. And you’re not alone. We all make this mistake sometimes.
If someone does something we disagree with, we tend to interpret this as a personal attack...
>> Our children don’t clean their rooms? They are purposely defying us!
>> Our significant other doesn’t show affection? They must not care about us as much as they should!
>> Our coworkers act inconsiderately at work? They must hate us!
>> Someone hurts us? Everyone must be out to get us!
Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal – things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically.
People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a peaceful mindset, or not respond to at all.
Here’s what you need to remember and repeat to yourself…
You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
Yes, there is an incredible amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.
When you think better, you live better!
In our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs, Marc and I guide readers through this process of perspective change-and NOT taking things personally.
Truth be told, the ultimate measure of your wisdom and strength is how calm you are when facing any given situation. Calmness is indeed a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which instantly gives you the upper hand.
Let us show you HOW.
Also, if you haven't done so already, watch our interview on the TODAY Show, where we discuss our personal journey of perspective change, to move our lives forward:
Honestly, that interview was a pleasure. The feedback from people, near and far, has been nothing short of inspiring. We are sincerely humbled and grateful. :)
And, of course, we went on the TODAY Show because our new bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy, is available for purchase (at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and pretty much wherever books are sold). Ordering it today helps us out tremendously. We would GREATLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT. Please order the book for yourself. Please, INVEST IN YOURSELF TODAY...
Take the time you need to get your mind right.
Seriously, you won't always be a priority to others, and that's why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don't wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself today... and let Getting Back to Happy be your guide.
Please let us walk beside you on your journey. Everything we’ve learned in the past decade of coaching and teaching others how to build a happier life is distilled into Getting Back to Happy. Never before have we put it all in one place like this in such an accessible way.
In fact, here’s a sneak peek of the table of contents, so you can get an idea of what Getting Back to Happy has to offer:
>> Rituals: Practice Daily What You Want To Manifest Regularly
>> Mindfulness: Ease Out of Busyness and Into Awareness
>> Letting Go: Surrender Attachments that Are Holding You Back
>> Self-Love: Commit to Putting Yourself on Your To-Do List
>> Mornings & Evenings: Establish Control with a Thoughtful Beginning and End to Every Day
>> Perspective: Find Beauty in Life’s Difficulties
>> Situation: Embrace Change and Take Action When Necessary
>> Motivation: Harness Your Inner Drive and Keep Moving Forward
>> Relationships: Foster the Loving Connections You Deserve
>> Happiness: Nurture an Inner and Outer Environment that Fulfills You
And did you know Alyssa Milano, the renowned actress and activist, wrote the foreword?
When we reached out to Alyssa and shared the idea and outline for Getting Back to Happy with her, she immediately said "yes" to writing the foreword. Why? Because our work has made a positive difference in her life over the course of many years. In her own words:
"In my own journey to uncover who I truly am, and to find-and use-my voice for what I believe in, I’ve been lucky enough to meet many kindred spirits along the way, many of them online. Marc and Angel are among the fellow travelers I’ve come to value the most. Their honesty and clarity, and the generous way they share what they’ve learned for themselves, are gifts I’ve truly cherished. Sharing their ideas with others online is a way of paying forward what I’ve learned, in the hope that others will gain some insight and strength, and in turn spread the word even further. The pain of self-doubt and the isolation of modern life can make us feel like we’re the only ones struggling, while everyone else is picture-perfect. That’s why it’s so important to share not just our triumphs but also our setbacks, to “show our work” when we’re in the thick of tough times. Marc and Angel do just that – keeping it real, and creating a community of kindred spirits that gathers together in strength, growing and learning along the way." — Alyssa Milano, from the Foreword of Getting Back to Happy
As you can tell, we’re sincerely excited to finally share Getting Back to Happy with you, so we’re also giving away over $50 in bonuses to the first 7,000 people that order the book (including One Day at a Time, our 60-day workbook for implementing rewarding, lifelong rituals, and Daily Reminders We Need to Read Every Morning, with prompts that guide you to start each day in a mindful state, so you can focus and get the right things done). You’ll want to act quickly, though, because we already have 6,907 orders booked as of this morning. :)
Order Getting Back to Happy and get your free bonuses right now.
Finally, if you haven't done so already, check out the latest New York Times Best Sellers list here:
SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER - 2018
How to Defend Against Emotional Vampires By Dr. Orloff
Julie Frederico on Domestic Violence
The Psychology of Willpower By Catarina Lino
The Thief That Steals Your Breath: Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis By Laura Hern
Journey Steel by Barb Smith
Click to Read: more >>
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2010 Jan/Feb issue
Tammy Erickson, Olympic Medalist
Hear publisher Joslyn Wolfe on
(click on 'Healthy living with Joslyn' in the Blog Talk Radio section)