High conflict situations are loaded with triggers. Darling, you are challenged to retain your sanity and dignity despite feeling like your ‘kingdom’ is under attack.
Let’s strategise how to retain your Queenship amidst a barrage of triggers (even though you want to scream).
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TRIGGER 1 : When the attacker overrides boundaries.
Strategy : A Queen maintains her own boundaries.
High conflict people hate anyone but them to make boundaries. A Queen simply does not engage. So state your boundaries clearly then hang up the phone, walk away, close the door, turn off your phone or drive away to enforce the limits. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be aggressive. It has to be clear and emotionless. Easy said than done I know. It takes practice to think like a Queen. But, you are Queen of your Realm. You’ve got this.
TRIGGER 2 : When they are turning the family against you.
STRATEGY : A Queen talks to her family about what was said and employs the benefits of a good therapist / Coach.
Bring the elephant into the room. Talk with the family about it. Margaret Rutherford (Seven Commandments of Good Therapy) says “It’s OK to tell them, ‘You may be hearing things that are confusing for you. I am sorry for that and sadly, that’s part of two people disagreeing. You can always talk to me about it”. Therapy is a great way to support you and your children through this.
TRIGGER 3 : When communication is beyond challenging but is still necessary to reply.
Strategy : A Queen limits her communication to email.
High Conflict attackers thrive on keeping you engaged in the drama. They are using your emotions as supply. A useful suggestion is to create a separate email account for their communication. That way you can take a breath and be less reactive. You will have time to respond in a formal, straightforward way. Remember their communication is going to be filled with projections designed to make your head spin. Ignore all the BS and respond only to the necessary points.
TRIGGER 4 : When they know how push your buttons.
Strategy : A Queen Embraces The Power of Grey Rock !! She communicates without expressions or emotions.
This works. Make all communication short, monotonous, business-like and boring. The attacker will move away as their need for supply will not be met. Process your triggers / anger with our best friend / coach. This will help you keep your power.
Comment "POWER" below to retain your dignity amidst conflict Queen Style.
P.S. for those who want more, I invite you for a free 'Own Your Throne' Consult. Learn more here : https://lisamagdalena.com/own-your-throne-support
July/August - 2018
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